~Is Breast Really Best?

Dear Expert Mom,

I have been struggling to breastfeed my daughter for 7 weeks now. Everyone, from the nurses at the hospital, to my pediatrician, to all of the parenting magazines say that "breast is best". I am really trying to do what is best for my daughter, but I am very upset by the whole experience. Every time the baby latches on it is extremely painful. My nipples are cracked and bleeding so badly that it hurts to wear clothes. I cry out in pain every time that she latches on. I can not even leave the house to get a haircut because I am the only one that can feed her. I barely make it through a shower without my husband knocking on the door because the baby is hungry again. And I am exhausted from being the only one who can feed her at night. I have seen lactation consultants, who squeezed, pinched and twisted my boobs in an utterly humiliating experience, and I have tried pumping - nothing is working. I feel like a failure. Instead of the beautiful bonding experience that breastfeeding is supposed to be, I am just miserable and resentful and on the verge of tears all of the time. What should I do?

~Failure Mom in Indiana

Dear Mom,

Notice I did not address you as "Failure Mom"? That is because you are DEFINITELY NOT a failure! I have been exactly where you are, and let me tell you, anyone who could last through seven weeks of that kind of pain, stress and exhaustion is a super-mom in my book. Boobie vs. ba-ba is an age-old debate. Back when our parents had kids, they were told that formula was healthier for baby. Now, they make moms feel like you are an abusive parent dooming your child to a life of sickness and failure if you don't breastfeed, no matter what the personal cost to you. I say, that's a load of horsepoop! There has to be a balance between a healthy mom and healthy baby. If Mommy is stressed, exhausted and nervous, baby will be stressed and nervous too, as well as any other children you have. They also used to tell our Moms to put us to sleep on our stomaches, or we would choke to death. Now they tell us that will cause SIDs and that we must put baby to sleep on their backs. Who knows what advice the next generation will receive? All I know is, plenty of us were raised on formula, and we did just fine. While breast milk may technically be superior, you can't convince me that with all of the toxins, medicines, pesticides, smoke and smog, etc. that we breathe in and ingest everyday, our milk does not get contaminated and pass these toxins to baby. So, bottom line, it sounds like you have done everything you can. Will it get easier if you hang in there? Maybe yes, or maybe no. They say that every little bit of breastmilk helps, and you have given your baby a very good start. You should congratulate yourself rather than beat yourself up. It is up to you to decide how much more you want to put yourself through. I can tell you that, with my first two, I had the same experience as you, and barely lasted 2 months. However, for some reason, my third was a wonderful, painless experience that lasted much longer. Either way, whether you stop breastfeeding because it is not working out, or because it is simply time, you will go through a mourning period, you will feel sad and guilty, and you will forever blame yourself for every sniffle and allergy your child experiences. That is just part of being a Mommy. But you will definitely enjoy your newfound freedom, and, contrary to what breastfeeding advocates tell you, you will enjoy a tremendous bonding experience with your little one as you cuddlde her and can actually look her in the eye as you bottle feed her. Good luck, and remember that you deserve to take care of yourself too!