~Keeping The Romance Alive

Dear Expert Mom,

With 2 little ones, ages 4 and 2, my husband and I have virtually no time for each other. He works all day, and when he comes home the kids want his attention, and by the time we get through with a hectic, noisy dinner, baths, bedtime, etc., we are exhausted. I can't even remember the last time we were able to hold hands. I am worried that by the time the kids are older, we will have drifted apart. Any suggestions?

~Missing My Hubby in NJ


Dear Missing,

This is an excellent question, and one that I am asked often. It is all too easy to focus all of your energy and attention on the kids, who are more demanding and needy, and push your spouse to the back burner. However, it is vital, both for your marriage and for your children's perception of marriage, to keep the love alive between you and your spouse. With just a little effort, you will see big results. For example, stay in touch with each other during the day with text messages, emails, a lunchtime phone call just to check in with one another. Try to get in one date night a month, more often if you have the help. If you are worried about leaving the kids with a babysitter at night, when dinner and bedtime are often involved, then go to a Sunday brunch instead. That way, you can leave your kids at a time when it is light out, and they don't need to eat or go to bed. Have no help or money to go out? Have a date night at home. Pick one night a week to order-in or cook something special (or easy) for you and hubby, make the kids something that they love (mac and cheese, Burger King, etc.), set them up on a tray in front of the t.v. and pop in a DVD. It will be a special treat for the kids that they will love, and you and your husband can have a peaceful dinner together. Or, on Saturday nights forget about the housework, rent a movie and just hold hands and watch it. Also, try to stop everything for at least 15 minutes each night after the kids go to bed to sit and talk to each other - no t.v. during this time! Hide little post-it notes for each other around your bedroom, bathroom, etc. that say "I love you" and other terms of endearment. And lastly, remember the little things - kiss each other hello and goodbye, give each other a hug as you prepare dinner, a smile and a wink here and there. Not only will these little tokens of affection help you to stay connected, but your kids will feel happy and secure seeing how much mommy and daddy love each other!