~The One We Dread

Dear Expert Mom,

My son, 5yrs old, constantly asks to have playdates with his cousin, 6yrs old. The problem is, his cousin is a complete terror. He destroys my home, throws toys everywhere, etc. My sister-in-law, who comes on the playdates, ignores this behavior, as well as my hints, and leaves without cleaning a single toy. I literally have a migraine by the time they leave. Going to their house is no better, since my SIL lets them play upstairs in her son's bedroom, out of our eyesight, and her son loves to wrestle with and punch my son, who is not nearly as aggressive. My question is, would it be terrible for me to stop letting the boys play together?

~Had Enough On Long Island

Dear Enough:

We all have that one nightmare child that we dread. However, if we banned every child that annoyed us, your son would become very isolated. Family and friends are extremely important for your child, so my advice is, let them continue to see each other. Soon enough, you will be surprised to see your nephew outgrow this bad behavior. In the meantime, there are things that you can do to make their time together a little easier. For example, how about playdates outside of the home? You can go to the park, play on rides or arcades at the mall, Chucky Cheese, lunch at a fast food restaurant, the zoo, etc. As for playdates at your SIL's, just set the rule that your son is not allowed upstairs. Simply tell her that "the boys" are too rough and you don't want them killing each other or destroying her home. That way, you are not just blaming her son. Lastly, when they come to your house, set a time limit. Tell your SIL that you have a lot of cleaning to do, errands to run, etc., but why don't they "stop by for an hour", or until a certain time, etc. Then hide anything in your house that you don't want destroyed. I know it is hard, especially when you are dealing with a parent that turns a blind eye to their child's bad behavior. However, kids grow up fast; in the meantime, just do what I do, and keep repeating to yourself "this too shall pass"!