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Happy New Year Moms! May this upcoming year be filled with happy memories and kids who actually listen (ya never know, this could be the year it actually happens)!! Good luck!
~Expert Mom
Dec 31, 2009
Grandma Has No Time For Grandson
Dear Expert Mom,
My SIL "Jen" is a single mom, and my MIL helps her by babysitting her daughters everyday so that Jen can work. Because of this, my MIL has very little time for my 5 year old son, Jack. I feel bad that Jack does not have the same relationship with his grandma that my SIL's kids do, so once in a while I ask my MIL to spend some time with Jack.
The problem is, whenever my MIL does spend time with my son, my SIL and her girls wind up tagging along. If they go to lunch, Jen and the kids join them. If Jack goes to his grandma's house for an hour, Jen and the kids show up. What this basically means is that my MIL and her daughter talk to each other the whole time while Jack is left to play with his cousins, instead of spending time with his grandma. This makes me so sad I could cry.
I don't feel like it's my place to tell my MIL and her daughter that they can't spend time together. How can I let my MIL know that she needs to spend time alone with her grandson without getting her and my SIL mad?
-Sad in Salt Lake City
Dear Sad,
The next time that you want Jack to spend time with your MIL, call her and tell her that Jack wants to spend some "special" alone time with his Grandma. Ask her if there is any day that she does not have plans with Jen so that the two of them can spend some special time together. She should get the hint without getting angry.
Bottom Line: I understand why you want your son to have a close relationship with his grandmother, but know that your son is probably having a ball with his family members. When he looks back on these days, he will likely do so with fond memories of spending time with his grandma, aunt and cousins, which is more than a lot of kids have, so count your blessings and try to look at the positive aspects of your situation. Good Luck!
~Expert Mom
My SIL "Jen" is a single mom, and my MIL helps her by babysitting her daughters everyday so that Jen can work. Because of this, my MIL has very little time for my 5 year old son, Jack. I feel bad that Jack does not have the same relationship with his grandma that my SIL's kids do, so once in a while I ask my MIL to spend some time with Jack.
The problem is, whenever my MIL does spend time with my son, my SIL and her girls wind up tagging along. If they go to lunch, Jen and the kids join them. If Jack goes to his grandma's house for an hour, Jen and the kids show up. What this basically means is that my MIL and her daughter talk to each other the whole time while Jack is left to play with his cousins, instead of spending time with his grandma. This makes me so sad I could cry.
I don't feel like it's my place to tell my MIL and her daughter that they can't spend time together. How can I let my MIL know that she needs to spend time alone with her grandson without getting her and my SIL mad?
-Sad in Salt Lake City
Dear Sad,
The next time that you want Jack to spend time with your MIL, call her and tell her that Jack wants to spend some "special" alone time with his Grandma. Ask her if there is any day that she does not have plans with Jen so that the two of them can spend some special time together. She should get the hint without getting angry.
Bottom Line: I understand why you want your son to have a close relationship with his grandmother, but know that your son is probably having a ball with his family members. When he looks back on these days, he will likely do so with fond memories of spending time with his grandma, aunt and cousins, which is more than a lot of kids have, so count your blessings and try to look at the positive aspects of your situation. Good Luck!
~Expert Mom
Dec 30, 2009
Single Mom Seeks Positive Male Role Model For Her Son
Dear Expert Mom,
I am a single mom, and have raised my son Ethan, now 6, by myself for his entire life. His father is not in the picture at all. He refuses to spend time with Ethan, never calls, writes - nothing.
I am worried that Ethan does not have a strong, positive male role model in his life. I do not have any close male friends, no brothers, and my dad lives too far away to spend enough time with my son.
It can't be good for my son to have me as his entire life - as a boy I really think he needs a positive male influence in his life. Where can I go to find someone to get involved and to be a good, strong male role model for my son?
-Not Enough Testosterone In Albany
Dear Not Enough,
I agree that it would be nice for your son to have a positive male influence in his life, but do not sell yourself short. Any mom who is strong enough to raise a child on her own can hardly be called "Not Enough" of anything. I am sure that you are giving your son the positive role model he needs, despite the fact that you are testosterone-deficient.
That being said, there are several things that you can try to involve, to some extent, positive male influences in your son's life. Teachers and coaches are the top two types of people that come to mind. When Ethan starts each new school year, request that he be assigned a male teacher, and explain why. Also,involve him in sports, either leagues or the YMCA, and once you find a coach you like, enroll your son in the activities that he coaches each season to maintain the relationship.
Many people also speak highly of the Big Brother program. However, without meaning any disrespect to what I have heard is an outstanding program, I would be a little leery of letting my young child go places with a virtual stranger. However, you can be your own judge of what he would be allowed to do with his Big Brother, or you could wait until he is a little older.
Also, encourage play dates with boys that seem like they have received good parenting, and perhaps Ethan will build relationships with the fathers of his friends.
Bottom Line: As a single mom there is only so much that you can provide in terms of parental role models for your child; you are, after all, only one person. However, you can at least give your son some interaction with men who will set a good example for him to follow, or who will just be there to talk to about "guy stuff". Good luck!
I am a single mom, and have raised my son Ethan, now 6, by myself for his entire life. His father is not in the picture at all. He refuses to spend time with Ethan, never calls, writes - nothing.
I am worried that Ethan does not have a strong, positive male role model in his life. I do not have any close male friends, no brothers, and my dad lives too far away to spend enough time with my son.
It can't be good for my son to have me as his entire life - as a boy I really think he needs a positive male influence in his life. Where can I go to find someone to get involved and to be a good, strong male role model for my son?
-Not Enough Testosterone In Albany
Dear Not Enough,
I agree that it would be nice for your son to have a positive male influence in his life, but do not sell yourself short. Any mom who is strong enough to raise a child on her own can hardly be called "Not Enough" of anything. I am sure that you are giving your son the positive role model he needs, despite the fact that you are testosterone-deficient.
That being said, there are several things that you can try to involve, to some extent, positive male influences in your son's life. Teachers and coaches are the top two types of people that come to mind. When Ethan starts each new school year, request that he be assigned a male teacher, and explain why. Also,involve him in sports, either leagues or the YMCA, and once you find a coach you like, enroll your son in the activities that he coaches each season to maintain the relationship.
Many people also speak highly of the Big Brother program. However, without meaning any disrespect to what I have heard is an outstanding program, I would be a little leery of letting my young child go places with a virtual stranger. However, you can be your own judge of what he would be allowed to do with his Big Brother, or you could wait until he is a little older.
Also, encourage play dates with boys that seem like they have received good parenting, and perhaps Ethan will build relationships with the fathers of his friends.
Bottom Line: As a single mom there is only so much that you can provide in terms of parental role models for your child; you are, after all, only one person. However, you can at least give your son some interaction with men who will set a good example for him to follow, or who will just be there to talk to about "guy stuff". Good luck!
Dec 29, 2009
Top 5 Ways to Kick The Binky Habit
Dear Expert Mom,
My daughter will be turning 3 in January and still uses a binky almost constantly. She uses it to soothe herself when she is tired or upset. She can't fall asleep without it. God forbid we lose it at naptime - she cries and cries until we find it.
I know that it is not good for her teeth to still be using a pacifier at this age, but no matter how we beg, plead and reason with her, she will not give it up. Any suggestions?
-Deena in Memphis
Dear Deena,
Reason with a 3 year old? No wonder you are not having any luck! Here is my Top 5 list of tips and tricks that I and my mommy friends have compiled over the years:
#5 - Cut a hole or stick several pin-sized holes in the top of the binky. It will lose its sucking sensation and your daughter will eventually tire of it;
#4 - Use a reward system - for every nap, night, etc. that your daughter chooses to go without the binky, she gets a treat when she wakes up; or, when she gives it up entirely she gets a big prize like a big-girl bed, new bedding, etc.;
#3 - Dip the binky in lemon juice, vinegar, coffee - anything that tastes bad but is not harmful;
#2 - Put all of the binkies in a box and leave it for the "Binky Fairy", Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. who will take it to give to new little babies and will leave a gift for your daughter in its place;
And the #1 way to break your daughter of the binky . . .
- Box the binkies and "mail" them to the zoo for the baby monkeys!
Bottom Line: Kicking the binky habit is like quitting heroin to kids - be prepared for a lot of trauma and crying. The key is to stay strong and know that within a few days to two weeks your daughter will have kicked the habit and gotten the "binky-monkey" off her back! Good luck!
~Expert Mom
My daughter will be turning 3 in January and still uses a binky almost constantly. She uses it to soothe herself when she is tired or upset. She can't fall asleep without it. God forbid we lose it at naptime - she cries and cries until we find it.
I know that it is not good for her teeth to still be using a pacifier at this age, but no matter how we beg, plead and reason with her, she will not give it up. Any suggestions?
-Deena in Memphis
Dear Deena,
Reason with a 3 year old? No wonder you are not having any luck! Here is my Top 5 list of tips and tricks that I and my mommy friends have compiled over the years:
#5 - Cut a hole or stick several pin-sized holes in the top of the binky. It will lose its sucking sensation and your daughter will eventually tire of it;
#4 - Use a reward system - for every nap, night, etc. that your daughter chooses to go without the binky, she gets a treat when she wakes up; or, when she gives it up entirely she gets a big prize like a big-girl bed, new bedding, etc.;
#3 - Dip the binky in lemon juice, vinegar, coffee - anything that tastes bad but is not harmful;
#2 - Put all of the binkies in a box and leave it for the "Binky Fairy", Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. who will take it to give to new little babies and will leave a gift for your daughter in its place;
And the #1 way to break your daughter of the binky . . .
- Box the binkies and "mail" them to the zoo for the baby monkeys!
Bottom Line: Kicking the binky habit is like quitting heroin to kids - be prepared for a lot of trauma and crying. The key is to stay strong and know that within a few days to two weeks your daughter will have kicked the habit and gotten the "binky-monkey" off her back! Good luck!
~Expert Mom
Dec 28, 2009
~Should Young Children Be Given Chores And An Allowance?
Dear Expert Mom,
I have two children, a son age 6 and a daughter age 3. Can you please tell me whether they are too young to start doing chores around the house and earning an allowance? I want to teach them a sense of responsibility, but I do not want to be mean and put them to work at too young an age.
What do you think is the appropriate age to start? What types of chores should I give them? How much should their allowance be? Any answers would be greatly appreciated!
-Beth in Atlanta
Dear Beth,
It is an excellent idea to let your kids start helping out around the house to instill a sense of pride and responsibility. Both of your children are old enough to do a few easy chores each day, but remember, right now you are striving for "effort" and not "perfection".
I caution you, though, against starting an allowance. I think it sends the wrong message at this age to promise kids payment for helping Mom and Dad keep the house nice. I think a better lesson would be to teach them that all of the family must pitch in to make life nice for everyone, and that they should not expect payment for being a productive, contributing member of the family.
You can, however, reward them by occasionally buying them a small prize or giving them a treat and telling them that you are proud of how well they do their chores and appreciate how helpful they are around the house.
As for the specific types of chores, there are many things that not only can they do, but they will absolutely love; they can pull up the covers on their beds and arrange their stuffed animals and pillows neatly on them, clean up their toys, put dirty clothes in the hamper, use lightweight or handheld vacuums on the kitchen and bathroom floors (they'll love this), dust, wash pots and pans (they will fight over who gets to do this first!), help set the table, put away groceries, etc.
Of course, you may have to redo most of what they attempt, but you will be instilling a good work ethic and sense of pride and responsibility in them!
Bottom Line: Giving kids light chores at an early age is a great way to shape them into productive adults. Just be patient, and be happy with their best efforts, even if it isn't quite perfect! Good luck!
~Expert Mom
I have two children, a son age 6 and a daughter age 3. Can you please tell me whether they are too young to start doing chores around the house and earning an allowance? I want to teach them a sense of responsibility, but I do not want to be mean and put them to work at too young an age.
What do you think is the appropriate age to start? What types of chores should I give them? How much should their allowance be? Any answers would be greatly appreciated!
-Beth in Atlanta
Dear Beth,
It is an excellent idea to let your kids start helping out around the house to instill a sense of pride and responsibility. Both of your children are old enough to do a few easy chores each day, but remember, right now you are striving for "effort" and not "perfection".
I caution you, though, against starting an allowance. I think it sends the wrong message at this age to promise kids payment for helping Mom and Dad keep the house nice. I think a better lesson would be to teach them that all of the family must pitch in to make life nice for everyone, and that they should not expect payment for being a productive, contributing member of the family.
You can, however, reward them by occasionally buying them a small prize or giving them a treat and telling them that you are proud of how well they do their chores and appreciate how helpful they are around the house.
As for the specific types of chores, there are many things that not only can they do, but they will absolutely love; they can pull up the covers on their beds and arrange their stuffed animals and pillows neatly on them, clean up their toys, put dirty clothes in the hamper, use lightweight or handheld vacuums on the kitchen and bathroom floors (they'll love this), dust, wash pots and pans (they will fight over who gets to do this first!), help set the table, put away groceries, etc.
Of course, you may have to redo most of what they attempt, but you will be instilling a good work ethic and sense of pride and responsibility in them!
Bottom Line: Giving kids light chores at an early age is a great way to shape them into productive adults. Just be patient, and be happy with their best efforts, even if it isn't quite perfect! Good luck!
~Expert Mom
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