My Daughter Has No Friends

Dear Expert Mom,

My 16 year old daughter, Shawna, is a great kid. She is smart and sweet and wonderful in every way. The problem is, she is a little shy, and although she has friends in school and plays sports, she doesn't socialize with anyone outside of school. She doesn't get invited to hang out at the mall or go to parties or to the movies, but every Monday she has to listen to what all of her school friends did without her over the weekend, and it makes her feel bad. It also breaks my heart to see her so lonely and left out.

How can I help her to make friends?

-Samantha in Maine

Dear Samantha,

There are several things you can try. First, take a good look at all of the clubs that the school has to offer. Is there anything that your daughter might join, besides sports, where she might spend time with kids that have interests or personalities similar to her? You might want to speak to her guidance counselor confidentially for tips on where she might fit in better or which clubs meet more often after school.

Second, Shawna may benefit from getting a job somewhere where she will be working with other teenagers - the mall, an ice cream shop, a restaurant, etc. It is sometimes easier for kids to make friends in a work environment than at school. At school there are established cliques and kids are labeled as belonging to one group or another. If shawna got a job, she would likely have a chance to meet kids from other schools, which may be a good fresh start for her.

And lastly, encourage Shawna to be proactive. Instead of sitting around waiting for an invite, she can suggest getting together to a classmate or teammate. If they already have plans, perhaps they will invite her along.

Bottom Line: It is tough being a shy teenager. Encourage your daughter to have confidence in herself, and remind her that she will not be in high school forever, and she will eventually find a niche where she fits in. Good luck!

~Expert Mom