Dad's Long Hours Leaves Little Time For The Kids

Dear Expert Mom,

My husband's company recently laid off quite a few workers, and as a result, the remaining workers, including my husband, have had to take up the slack. This means that he is now working more hours. He leaves the house at 7:00 in the morning, and with travel time he does not get home until close to 7:30 at night.

I am definitely thankful that he still has his job, but the long hours are starting to affect my boys, who are 7 and 5. They both have to be up for school by 6:00 in the morning, so their bedtime is 8:30. This means that by the time my husband gets home, he has only one hour to spend with the kids before they go to bed. Since his hours increased, the boys have been acting out, giving us a really hard time at bedtime, getting up out of their beds a million times, etc. They tell me all day long how much they miss Daddy.

I don't know what to do about this situation. In this economy, my husband finding a job with better hours is just not an option. I would like to push the kids bedtime back a little, but they already have a hard enough time getting up in the morning.

What can I do to make my boys understand that this is the way it has to be for now?

-Deb in New Hope

Dear Deb,

There is nothing that you can say that will make the boys miss or need their father any less. I would suggest trying to squeeze in any extra time for them with Daddy that you can.

You said that the boys get up at 6:00 am and Dad leaves the house at 7:00 am. That's an hour right there. I know it is hard, but ask your husband to get up a little bit earlier to get ready for work so that he can spend an hour with the boys. He can help get them ready for school and sit down to breakfast with them, even if he is just drinking coffee and they are eating cereal, it doesn't matter, as long as they are together.

During the day, does your husband have access to a computer, or can he bring a laptop with him? If so, you can "Skype" - have the kids talk to and see him over the Internet. If not, perhaps a phone call when they get home from school just to hear Dad's voice and connect with him for a few minutes.

Is your husband's lunchtime flexible? Perhaps after school you can take the kids to visit him. This would have the added benefit of the kids being able to see where Daddy works and maybe even meet some of his co-workers, so that they can picture where he is and who he is with when he is gone. This will make his time away less scary for them and help them to understand the situation a little bit more.

Also, you mentioned pushing back bedtime. If your boys take a quick nap after school, this may be feasible (although at 5 and 7 years old they probably will not want to nap during the day, but it's worth a try). If not, pushing back their bedtime on a Friday night when there is no school the next day is an option and will give the boys something to look forward to during the week.

Dad can also leave a little note for each of his boys to read at lunchtime or when they get home from school. The note can sometimes be attached to a piece of candy or a little prize. He can also video tape himself or tape record a message for them to watch or listen to. Anything to let the kids know at some point during the day that Dad is thinking of them.


Lastly, make sure that your husband and the kids have special "alone" time when he comes home. Have the kids bathed and ready for bed, so your husband can read to them, play with them, and just spend quality time with them. Make the weekends extra special by making sure they get plenty of time with Dad, even if they simply tag along on his errands or help him with work around the house. Dad can even "camp out" with the boys at night, building a tent and laying with them until they fall asleep.

Bottom Line: Since Dad can't have a large quantity of time with the kids, he must focus on quality time. Every little bit counts, so be creative and squeeze in as many special moments as you can. Good luck!