Future Stepdaughter From Hell!

Dear Expert Mom,

OK, here's the thing. I have been dating this guy for 2 years and he has asked me to marry him. We have been living together for awhile now. His daughter (17 yrs old now) was fine at first, but after I would say about 8 months she started showing her true colors.

If he tries to tell her "no" or discipline her she goes into a frenzy, she cusses him like I've never seen, and talks to him like he's a dog. This man does everything for her, I'm not kidding. She won't even order take-out for herself. He can't go out if it's storming because she might get scared. He tells her to do stuff and she doesn't, if he says "your not going anywhere tonight" she laughs at him.

I know this is his fault and I told him if he doesn't discipline her that I'm leaving (which I have already done now). We are still seeing each other, but the thing now is, she is flaunting her body in front of him (she has very large breasts). He tells me all the time she gets them from her mother ( I just say jokingly, "really, not from you?"). He likes big breasts. She knows this. I think it's sick and I've tried to tell her it's not right and her daddy doesn't like it, but she just laughs about it. Now I think she does it just to get under my skin. I have done a lot for this girl, but I'm a bitch now that I've cut her off.

Her dad just won't do anything if it messes with his plans or if it's an inconvenience to him. I love this man, but don't see a future with him if this is what I have to deal with all the time. Like I said she's 17 and you would think she wouldn't have much time left before she moves out, but he's said before he doesn't want her to move out (even though he said he's trying to make her independent) and why would she, she has it made, doesn't have to work, clean cook, and comes and goes as she pleases. He contradicts himself all the time, he says she raised her like a boy, but can't discipline like one, then he raised her like a redneck (butI tell him rednecks don't let their children disrespect them).

I am at mywits end and don't know what to do. Please help!

-Leslie In Memphis, TN

Dear Leslie,

It seems to me like the writing is on the wall - all you have to do is open your eyes and look at it. You said you don't see a future with this man if you will have to deal with this situation all of the time. Well, it sounds like this is exactly the type of situation you will have to deal with for a very long, long time if you marry him.

You boyfriend has a daughter who he can't or won't control, and he has no intention of making her respect him or you, or of making her leave. So, the way I see it, you have three options: wait it out and hope that his daughter grows up; marry him and live in a very stressful, unhappy home filled with lots of tension (and breast baring); or, move on. Frankly, I would choose door number 3, mainly because the whole flaunting her body in front of her father thing throws up a red flag for me, since I myself would rather stick red hot pokers in my eyes then see my own father staring at my breasts. Something does not seem not quite right there.

Bottom Line: You are unwilling to live with the current situation, and your boyfriend and his stepdaughter are both unwilling to change it, so the answer seems pretty clear to me. Good luck.

~Expert Mom