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I have two daughters, ages 4 and 3. We live in Connecticut, and my husband's family lives in Texas. My husband's parents have always been great about visiting the kids. They come up several times a year and stay for about a week each time.
The problem is, my MIL recently told my husband that they are tired of being the ones doing all of the traveling, and they are insisting that we visit them for Easter this year. EM, I am scared to death about putting my girls on a plane! Flying with kids is a nightmare to begin with, but I am really afraid of terrorists or the plane crashing for some other reason.
My husband is telling me that we should share the burden of traveling to see his parents, and his mother is refusing to budge on this issue. I feel like I am being ganged up on. What should I do? Am I being unreasonable?
-Fear Of Flying In East Haven
Dear Fear,
It doesn't matter if 100 people are ganging up on you. You are "Mommy", and in my book, that is enough to give you final say on this matter.
Traveling with small children has always been, as you said, a nightmare for a variety of reasons. Now we have the added bonus of worrying about terrorists. Despite all of the heightened security in place, these whacko suicide bombers somehow continue to find their way onto planes. Just recently we had the Christmas day "underwear bomber" who actually made his way onto a plane, and the only reason he failed to kill everyone on it because his bomb turned out to be a dud http://www.mahalo.com/underwear-bomber )? Plus, pilots also have to contend with nature up there. Who can forget the plane that crashed into the Hudson River because some birds flew into it (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/01/15/new.york.plane.crash/ )?? To me, the sky is filled with hidden dangers, and right now, I am with you - my poor family is going to have to wait a few more years for that great family vacation in my head, until I am sure the "friendly skies" are indeed friendly.
Bottom Line: Nobody can force you to go against your instincts where your children's safety is concerned. However, I would offer to split the cost of the flights with your inlaws so that the financial burden does not rest solely on them (which may in fact be what this is all about anyway), but tell them that for now, your little chickadees will remain on solid ground. Good luck!
~Expert Mom
There is a logical side to this, yes, but as an airline captain and licensed therapist specializing in fear of flying for many years, I hear something more.
ReplyDeletePlease consider this. Shortly before giving birth, the brain is flooded with hormones that cause the expectant mother to become obsessed with safety. That's, of course, beneficial for the soon to arrive infant.
After giving birth, the hormones begin to go away, but the patterns established (everything that is the slightest possibility a risk must be avoided) remain.
This is why the extremely rare possibility of air disaster seems - not just a rare possibility - but almost inevitable in you fly.
But when you drive 5.4 miles around home, that puts you into the same risk as taking a flight. You do that every day, perhaps several times a day. Nothing happens. Same with taking a flight. I flew for thirty-one years. I know hundreds of pilots and hundreds of flight attendants. Yet, not one of them was every hurt in an accident.
When you put yourself and your kids on a plane, instead of driving, you make them safer . . . assuming you drive more than 5.4 miles a day.
That's the intellectual side of it. The emotional side? That's a whole different ball game. If you could keep these troubling thoughts out of mind, you would not be distressed by them. But when you fly - or even think of flying - they cause anxiety. The answer to that is to train the part of the mind that reacts to flying, triggering adrenalin and other stress hormones that rev you up - to NOT react.
If you want to consider that, take a look at the video I posted at http://www.fearofflying.com/store/free-video.shtml