Exhausted Mom Needs Things To Get Easier

Dear Expert Mom,

I don't know if I can stand this anymore. My kids, three year old twin girls and eight month old baby boy have been taking an absolute toll on me. They take all my attention up and I can't basically do anything that doesn't involve them. It's hard enough to load the laundry or make dinner without the twins pulling on my shirt to play with them again, or my baby asking for another feeding.

That's it . . . . I've had enough. I NEED some rest with them. Thank goodness I've got a loving husband who tries to help me with the household and the kids, but I feel sorry for him that he has do to all the chores now since there's three kids that always demand my attention.

Since my eight month old was born I've been trapped inside my house all the time. I can't even just go lounge in the yard and get some fresh air without my kids tagging along. My hubby is just as tired as me and I need a way to manage my time, and so does my hubby. The twins are starting preschool in a few months but I'm worried it'll be worse by the time that happens.
I haven't even slept an hour without baby asking for a feeding again. There's just one thing that hubby can't do, breastfeeding the baby...and he's ALWAYS asking for a feed.

I have no idea what to do now.

-The World's Most Failing, Worst, Depressed, Tired and Clueless Mommy

Dear Mommy,

O.K., breathe! Just close your eyes for a minute (try not to fall asleep!) and take a long, slow breath. You are definitely not alone, Momma. You have just described what I and every single mother in the world has gone through at some point, whether they have one baby or ten.

When you are at the stage that you are at, with a baby that drains you, literally and figuratively, you feel like you are at the bottom of a black hole that you will never get out of. But trust, me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to put your head down and barrel through until you get there. And believe me, you will be there before you know it and then you will be longing for these baby days again!

Right now you are sleep deprived and exhausted from the breastfeeding demands of baby and your girls' need for constant attention, likely brought on in part by their jealousy of the baby that is now getting most of mommy's time. There are a few things that you can do to make life easier.

So, let's start with the girls. Think back to when you were a kid. Did your mom play with you every second of every day? Probably not. Your girls are three years old, and they have a playmate - each other. They are old enough to play together for a little while and give mommy a break. Buy them toys, games, coloring books, outdoor sandbox, swings, etc. that they can play with each other without your help. Hire a neighborhood kid to entertain them for an hour or two in the afternoon so that you can either rest when baby is sleeping or get some work done. Also, I am not a big fan of using a t.v. for a babysitter, but desperate times call for desperate measures. When baby is sleeping, stick the girls in front of the t.v. and rest next to them on the couch.

You can also kill two birds with one stone by teaching the girls to set the table, help you with the laundry, feather dust the furniture while you vaccuum, etc. so that they allow you to get your work done but also feel like they are helping and spending time with you. Their "help" may slow you down a little at first, but at least you will be getting it done and spending time with your girls.

As for baby, he is reaching the age where the breastfeeding should start slowing down as he begins to eat baby cereal, then baby food and eventually table food. When that happens, you will begin to get a break and can start enjoying some alone time.

At eight months, it sounds like his feeding demands are a bit excessive, and one of several things may be going on. First, he may just need to be soothed, and finds comfort in nursing even though he is not necessarily hungry. Try giving him a pacifier, put on soothing music (Josh Grobin always worked like a charm for my kids) and swaddle him in a blanket and rock him, to see if you can teach him to calm down without nursing. Sometimes babies are quicker to settle down for someone other than mom, because they know that person is not going to feed them. If dad is home, especially in the middle of the night, let him try to calm baby down first.

Second, perhaps he is not getting enough to eat at each feeding, or your breastmilk supply is not rich enough or does not have enough volume. Try drinking plenty of water during the day to increase your supply, and make sure that baby spends plenty of time on both breasts at each feeding. It may be time to start or increase his baby cereal intake. You may also want to supplement with a formula bottle in the middle of the night or once during the day so that someone else can take over a feeding. At eight months old introducing a bottle or a little formula will not hurt him or disrupt your breastfeeding, and may make him feel more satisfied for a longer period of time, while giving mommy a break. Your best bet is to put in a call to the pediatrician and ask for advice as to why he still needs to feed so often and how you can handle this situation.

I know things seem really bad right now, and sleep deprivation, post partum hormonal changes and breastfeeding around the clock only make things seem worse. If you absolutely can not stand it any longer, you may want to either discontinue breastfeeding and congratulate yourself for lasting so long, or put in a call to your gyno or family doctor to discuss temporarily taking antidepressant or anti anxiety medication to help you through the "baby blues". But before you do that, here is my prescription to you:

-Let go of any guilt over your hubby helping out - he sounds absolutely wonderful, but as much as he is doing, you are doing one hundred times more and you are doing it with no sleep and raging hormones;

-Drink plenty of milk (which reduces stress) and water to both keep you healthy and increase your breastmilk supply;

-Get out in the fresh air at least once a day and take a walk - either bring the kids with you, or leave the girls with someone and put the baby in a stroller, or leave everyone with dad for 15 minutes after dinner - a little exercise and fresh air goes a really long way to restoring your mental sanity;

-Go to bed as early as possible, I'm talking like 8:00 when the kids go to bed, because sleep deprivation makes everything so much worse; and last but not least

-When you feel like you are at the end of your rope, take a four minute break and watch this video - it is the song by The Five Stairsteps that I constantly close my eyes and sing to myself like a mantra when I am at my breaking point. The singer in this remake doesn't quite get all of the words right, but he definitely makes me laugh! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KA-SeAx0Opo Below are the lyrics:

Ooh-oo child

Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child

Things'll get brighter

Ooh-oo child

Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child

Things'll get brighter

Some day, yeah

We'll get it together and we'll get it all done

Some day

When your head is much lighter

Some day, yeah

We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun

Some day

When the world is much brighter

Ooh-oo child

Things are gonna be easier

Ooh-oo child

Things'll get brighter

Ooh-oo child

Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child

Things'll get brighter

Some day, yeah

We'll get it together and we'll get it all done

Some day

When your head is much lighter

Some day, yeah

We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day

When the world is much brighter

Some day, yeah

We'll get it together and we'll get it all done

Some day

When your head is much lighter

Some day, yeah

We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun

Some day

When the world is much brighter

Ooh-oo child

Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child

Things'll get brighter

Ooh-oo child

Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child

Things'll get brighter

Right now, right now

Bottom Line: Just hang in there, because you are almost at the easy part. In the meantime, try your best to enjoy your kids. Order pizza for dinner and let the laundry wait once in a while. Take care of you, because if mommy is not happy, nobody is happy. Hang in there momma - "things are gonna get easier" - I promise!

~Expert Mom