My Son Refuses To Join In

Dear Expert Mom,

My son Nate is 4 years old. He loves to play T-ball with his dad in the backyard. When we asked him if he would like to play on a team, he was very excited about it. So we signed him up and paid $70 for him to play in a league. We took him to 2 practices so far. During the first practice he was very shy and barely participated. During the second practice, he walked off of the field, leaving his dad, who was helping coach, on the field. Nate refused to play anymore. He said that he was no good and he couldn't do it. We could not talk him into going back on the field, and wound up taking him home.

I don't want to waste the money that we paid, and I don't want to teach my son that it is OK to quit something that he has started. How can I get him to finish what he started?

-Laura in Princeton, NJ

Dear Laura,

At four years old, I think you need to give the kid a break. He may have been excited over the thought of playing on a team, but the reality of it may have not have been what he expected. He does not need to learn life lessons this early, and the $70 you spent is not worth torturing your kid over. If he won't even get onto the field with his dad coaching, it aint gonna happen.

Some kids take longer to feel comfortable and learn how to interact in a group environment, especially if they have never been away from Mommy before. I would suggest chalking the $70 up to a loss, and try to find activities that he feels more secure in. If you have a local YMCA there are plenty of classes that allow the parents to stay with their kids while they play, swim, paint, etc. Try to ease him into the group setting situation.

Also, T-ball is an intense sport for a shy kid, because you bat alone, and you play your position alone and all eyes are on you. Perhaps he would prefer a sport like soccer or nerf hockey, where everyone is running around together and he is not in the spotlight.

Bottom Line: Your son is only four. Cut him a little slack, and let him go at his own pace. Giving him a break this one time won't turn him into a quitter. Good luck!

~Expert Mom